my lack of ability to focus on any one thing is a despairing characteristic. my connection with creative endeavors feels forced or selfish or empty, and it’s possible this is because i have become rooted for too long in a cynical view. it’s also rooted in an adhd response triggered from a deeply traumatic childhood and young adult experience.

the solution to this is not to simply not be cynical, because i do truly believe objectively that the world is broken and worth criticizing (general social relations and honest communication is bad among countries and different groups and the spread of hedonistic, selfish impulses masquerading as freedom instead of symptoms of deeper enslavement is also bad)

the solution has always been, and will always remain, to confront that and attempt to offer methods of action through it in veiled, mostly symbolic or cryptic, gestures that hopefully don’t devalue the life of another.

i simply can’t focus because of personal trauma and the difficulty of getting through that in my life. i work very hard to subvert this and also find that guiding spark of inspiration.

i truly believe that the video game i am working on will be the thing that frees me from this despair. but it will take a few years to complete properly.

good friends take a part of you worth saving and share it with you when you lose it

we are all creators and collaborators of the reality we all experience collectively.

seeing so many “progressive, socialist, open-minded” people be anti-ai art exposes them as the truly individualistic, self-worshipped, identity-possessed people that they are, the self-professed “gatekeepers of vision.” their motivations lie solely in the capitalist realm they hate so much, as they can’t recognize or realize the farce they are perpetuating.

make good art, do it, and send it into the world openly with the only intention that it will further strengthen our vision of this life for others and yourself.

empty, possessed nothing people

crushing their enlightenment

on phone apps

but keith ranken is doing some killer ai generation

always be

aware of the parts of yourself that others can see that you cannot. not anxious, but aware.

the font of my clock on ios 16 makes me feel stupid

sometimes i think back to 2012 when i was objectively insane, thinking the end of the world was right around the corner, fearful and wanting to warn everyone, destroying my personal life in a sad attempt at martyrdom… now as a semi-functional person, i am watching it actually happen sort of disinterestedly and annoyed because i want to live.

the collective unconscious is rapidly excavating ancient trauma to the surface. seeing it manifest is difficult and affects every sector of an individual’s life. panic is a natural reaction to confusion and fear. zoom out.

to be ideologically hijacked is not a radical or hip thing: it’s a symptom of a society with no purpose other than capital gain (or a hope to escape), driven by existential fear (climate, “others”, death). technology and social media have made this more explicit. the solution is true love, dummies.

in general, across multiple societal arenas, it feels like the world is collectively moving, consciously or unconsciously, with no fear or the disillusion of consequences. i think this is interesting.

as more people go insane and the world feels less and less stable, practice comfort and inner peace. resist strong ideological persuasion. resist victimization. maintain stronger relationships, see people as individuals and see their trauma. see your trauma. live with a genuine desire to help others. keep yourself healthy mentally and physically, do not give or take more than needed. stay aware and don’t be naive ❤️

indulgent awareness of presence

vs

the quiet truth

aging, shrinking, growing through/with/as time… make sure to rest/restore/remember spirit

judged eternally, differently, based on who is observing single moments… reflection/creation/reverberation